When I was single, dating was such a chore. I was not dating just to get married, but to go out and have some fun with the opposite sex. Girlfriends are my touchstone, but men have the “lovins” that only they can provide. What can I say, I am a sucker for romance?
Being from the South, I dated the “old fashioned” way. I went to bars! Yes, I did! Nothing like some “liquid courage” to meet someone new. Get to a bar, down some drinks, then watch the fireworks fly! Nothing like trying to hold a meaningful conversation with 3000 decibel music playing in the background. Then, you have to deal with the guys “posse” that is watching you like a science experiment. I felt like a lab rat, but only until my fourth beer. Then, liquid courage took over.
I tried the “blind date” thing a few times, but I am sure I would have needed to be visually blind to hang out with these derelicts that my friends thought “would be perfect for me.” Are you insane? There is a reason they call these “blind dates.” This is because no normal person with an IQ over 15 would go out with these Neanderthals. After some of these “dates’, I would follow up with the friend that fixed us up and ask if I had wronged her in a past life. I mean really!
So, I meet my future husband at a bar. True fact. I was heading out of town the next day to go to Yosemite and visit my folks. Meeting someone the day before I left town never seemed to work out for me. It’s as if going out of town made my attractiveness “expire” before I returned to town. Every time I met someone and contacted them when I got back seemed to cause them to have amnesia.
So, I met future husband at the bar, I immediately ask him to marry me. That could have been all the beers I had, but he had the “right eyes” for me. He was the full package, tall, somewhat dark and very handsome. Oh, he was also employed. Score!
We exchanged phone numbers, but I made it clear that I would not call him until he called me first. I was trying to break the “going out of town” curse. To my delight, he did call me and leave a message when I was out of town. So, I returned his call when I got home and said some of the dumbest things on the phone, as I was nervous. Way to go, spaz.
We set a date for our first date and to my surprise, he showed up. He had those cute little “doe eyes” that made me swoon. We went out for a regular kind of date and to my astonishment, I still liked him after that! Shortly after that, we spent every moment together that we could. This is known as “limerence” and it is one of the best times you remember when dating. Unfortunately, this does dissipate over time.
So, we see each other often and decide that we do like each other enough to get into a serious relationship. He was not prince charming, but that is not what I was looking for in a guy. I wanted someone down to earth and he seemed to fit the bill. “Prince Charming’s” have always been very expensive, moody and they dress better than I do. Too much work and maintenance for me.
After a time, you have to meet the parents! This was not a level I had come too in quite some time, so I was a bit freaked out about the whole thing. He had a large family with lots of sibling and cousins. I did as well, but if have read any of my stories before, we do not talk to them. This is on purpose.
In the car to meet the parents and rest of family. I was trying to keep calm and make sure I did not say anything too stupid, as I tend to do when I am nervous.
I meet the matriarch, my future mother in law. She is as calm as a cucumber and I am sweating like a whore in church. (Please brain, keep our mouth shut unless you hear what you are going to say before you speak.)
Much to my relief, things went rather smoothly. I did not think about the fact that his mother has five kids and has probably met a million dates from her kids. As we were leaving the visit, his mother and I hugged. She said, “well, you two seem to be pretty happy. My grandmother used to say, ‘every pot has its lid.’” I had no idea exactly what she meant, but she did not throw me out of her house, so win win.
My new honey and I continue to date, and he meets my parents. I think him meeting my parents was more stressful for me than him. This was not his first rodeo.
Moving on to getting engaged! My husband and I still adhered to the old-fashioned, Southern way of meeting the dad of the future bride to ask in person to marry his daughter. I know, antiquated. I would have married him anyway, but my folks seemed to like him. My dad was just glad I was finally getting married. He thought I might be gay and would not provide any grandchildren. (My dad seems unaware that you can still have kids if you are gay, but whatever.)
So future hubby goes to meet with my dad, alone. This is like sending a hunter into a dark cave to see if there are any bears in there! Good Luck.
So, things went well enough at the meeting for honey to still marry me. Swhooo. It could have gone either way really. However, there was little “glitch” in the conversation between them, at least in my opinion. My dad calls me immediately after the meeting to inform me that things went well. Then, he said, “well, I told him that your mom and I wanted grandchildren. So, I asked him if he knew how to do that. Wink. Wink.” I said, “for the love of all that is good in heaven, please tell me you are joking and did not say that?” My dad replied, “nope, I did, and he said he knew how.” Oh, good grief. I was thinking, for years you want me to get married and you run off the one I picked. Fortunately, my future husband did not seem to mind.
I have been married for some time now and things between parents and in laws have tamed. This was a slow process. And sometimes a test in patience.
The moral of the story is if you are not in a relationship and want to be, get out there. You will fall flat on your face a few times. This is a given. However, after a while, you will start to see what you want in a mate.
Always remember, every pot has its lid! (Thank you, Rhonda)