How Do You Mend a 15-Year-Old Girl’s Broken Heart?

I was around 13 years old  when I met him. My memory does not serve me well these days. However, my heart seems to remember him vividly. My brain does not recall all of the details, but my heart was forever “stamped” with the idea of him. Awe, how cute.

He was my first real “crush”, as my mom called it. To me, he was my first true love. You remember, that pit in your stomach that felt like you could barely breath around that person. You had sleeping dreams of grandeur. You thought about them all the time, to distraction from your everyday life. You felt like you were suffering until you saw them again. I know! I have been there.

What makes a 15-year-old girl feel so strongly? I am going with hormones and he had a great sense of humor. He was also a few years older than me, which was “hot.” He would do the goofiest things to make me smile. All I had to do was see him and my face would light up the like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center! I was completely transparent in my adoration for him. Sap.

We were able to have some really fun times together. I got to know his family and he got to know mine. My parents even lifted the “you cannot date until you are sixteen” rule and let me go out with him. I had to have a friend come too, so his brother came along. I still remember all the fun I had on that one date.

We were able to see each other often at places teenagers hung out. He would also come to my house and spend time with me there. He would tell me funny stories and teach me the latest dance moves. This went on for a few years. I could barely stand it in between the times I was with him. Ughh.

However, he always seemed to “keep his distance” with me. At the time, I did not notice. I was just thrilled to be around him. What a dork.

One day, he came to see me, and we talked for what seemed like forever. I do not recall what all was said, but I remember thinking that I finally got to hear how he really felt about me, and it was good. I recall him talking about keeping his distance and that it was not for lack of affection for me. Good enough for me! As he left, I felt so much joy. I was almost 16 and hoped my parents would let us date.

Unfortunately, things had to change. I did not know that change would happen in 24 hours.

He had recently graduated from high school and was making his career plans, unbeknownst to me. I was informed the next day that he had left town. What? I finally got him to admit his feelings towards me and now he is gone?

Sparing the horrifically, painful details, it was a rough few months after that. I spent hours a day trying to figure out what happened and why he left. I came up with bubkus. All I knew was that he was gone, and my heart was broken. True to teenager drama, I was inconsolable. I moped around like a kid without a dog.

It took me years to try and understand what happened. I made up solutions in my head that gave me comfort, though I never got to validate them from him. I took solace in knowing that at least I had the time that I did with him, however brief. Sometimes when life seems overwhelming, I recall those times we spent together. It brings me much joy now and I can smile.

As I got older, I realized what a gift he was to me. I was a starry eyed, naive, 15-year-old girl who would have done just about anything for his attention. He never “took advantage” of my affections. For this, I am grateful.

I later realized he must have had a tough time with me forever starting at him with googley eyed, infatuation. It must have been difficult for him to know he was leaving and not be able to tell me.

These days, when I think back on those times he and I spent together, I feel the happiness of those years. I now remember funny stories and ways only he could make me laugh. I remember our only date and the fun I felt being with him.  I took comfort in knowing that at least he had cared for me.

Now when I think of him, I feel that 15-year-old girl smile and feel that her heart is no longer broken. Thank you, Shawn.

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